This reading recommendation is part of the The RAMPALLO´s Compass campaign by RAMPALLO CONSULTING.

Category: Personal talent

It was many years ago, while doing one of the activities I usually enjoy—browsing through books in a bookstore—that I noticed one with a dark cover and gold lettering. Just by reading the title, I decided it wasn’t the kind of reading I should be doing in those years of youth, when the influence of some social systems had led me to reject anything that seemed to be trying to sell you something I didn’t need or was only interested in its own agenda without getting into the details of the matter; because that was my first feeling when I read the title of that copy I held in my hands, HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE. It seemed to me that the target audience was those people who only buy books if they offer a magical formula for short-term success in life, or, as in this case, offered to “influence others”. What nonsense, I told myself, how can someone let themselves be captured by such a message!

After reading the author’s name, Dale Carnegie,, which I hadn’t heard at all in that year, 1993, I remained just as indifferent to it. But there was something that encouraged me to read the back cover and browse a few pages. It was a time when we were managing people by developing our voluntary commitment with children, teenagers, and young people in leisure education (summer camps, excursions, activities…) and I would read any book that could help me better reach teenagers and help them in their personal development or help us as their leaders. And that’s what I did with that book.

p. 317. “The way to gain self-confidence, he adds, is to do what you are afraid of doing, and in this sense, gather a history of happy experiences”.

Clearly the title was the commercial hook for the type of audience I guessed, and what was really interesting was that it offered a method, some guidelines that seemed very appropriate to include in my personal development. Especially because when I was more than halfway through the book, I was amazed that the people around me, even those in my age range, who most impacted me and seemed like external personality references, were following many, or all, of the book’s advice. That fascinated me. As the years have passed, I am still fascinated by the appropriate behaviour of many people I interact with, and that many of their skills were described in those pages I read.

The book consists of a series of recommendations on how to behave with people, or softskill” as we call them today. It encourages us to improve the way we deal with others in an entertaining and didactic way, explaining not only the method but also the reason why these skills produce very positive effects in relationships with others. Some are basic, others can make us reflect if we have never practiced them, but all of them, within a comprehensive view, I am convinced, improve our relationships.

p.47. “Instead of criticizing people, let’s try to understand them (..) it is much more profitable and more interesting than criticism;” and from them comes sympathy, tolerance, and kindness.

p.57. “… then I understood what the power of appreciation was”.

Evidently, it is legitimate for someone who reads the book to seek precisely the two objectives set out in the title. Some people need (we need) behavioural guidelines or learning continuously or, precisely as the cover indicates, appropriate techniques to influence others for their development as leaders or simply as team managers.

p.128. “…I know you really love me because every time I want to talk to you about anything, you stop whatever you’re doing, and you listen to me”.

I take this opportunity to recommend it to all those who, precisely because of the text of the title, would never buy it. My recommendation is that you read it from a point of view removed from an “interested” behaviour in relationships to sell them a product they may not need or to influence them negatively (something I am sure the author never intended), but “committed” to improving human relationships, and, if you have to lead groups of people, to know that the proposals of the text have a high probability of improving the attitude of both, the leader and the collaborators.

p.292. “… if we let the other person know that we have faith in their ability to do things, we will see them practice until dawn, in order to excel”.

Rereading the book from time to time, as happens to me with other books, I again find small statements with which my personal criterion deviates from its line of thought, but the majority, the essence, the method, and the set of proposed techniques overcome the details. And for all types of readers, I can suggest one of my notes that is still in the copy I read among underlines and annotations: “May all advice practiced in the book be based on a sincere attitude towards the other person”.

p.143. “-What did you want from that employee?

What did I want from him!

If we are so despicable, for being selfish, that we cannot radiate some happiness and give an honest praise, without trying to get something in return; if our souls are of such smallness, we will go to failure, to a deserved failure.”

Recommendation by Jose Ramon Largo (CEO of RAMPALLO Consulting S.L.) on the 16th re edition in Spanish in 1992 (ISBN 84-350-1750-8)

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